In praise of (and advice for) the in-person conference

                                                                                    (Thank you, IWPR!)

Yes, I haven’t stopped thinking about the leaked Supreme Court decision draft since Monday night, and you can see ideas at the end of this email for organizing and links. If you haven’t listened yet, check out our episode from 2021, “Pro-Mother, Pro-Abortion” that gives important context and storytelling to the moment we now find ourselves in. You’ll be hearing plenty more from me on this topic, but I’m gathering my thoughts for the long fight rather than hot-taking, so I am sending out my previously written email as planned.
______________

I wrote this on the plane last week back from San Francisco where I attended IWPR’s Power+ Summit. Like many of you, I haven’t attended an in-person conference in years (Late 2018, for me, I think.) It felt really good. It was one of those gatherings where all the attendees were fascinating and no one was too cool for school. l got to meet people in-person that I’ve spent years connecting with virtually, like Eve Rodsky. I felt held in intellectual community with so many creative feminists with bold ideas and unapologetic ambition. I got to hear New York Attorney General Tish James describe how she starts her day. “First, I get my coffee. After that I ask, ‘Who am I going to sue today?” (I am dead.) Roxane Gay told us she thought the most important “moonshot idea” we need to go after is universal childcare. (To hear a feminist without children of her stature say this... I’m dead again.)  

I know I wouldn’t have gotten a fraction of as much out of the conference if I’d watched the livestream. I loved the serendipitous conversations, handing out some newly printed business cards, hearing cool ideas for future stories, and meeting people to follow up with as I continue my 2022 pivot. 

Essentially, we’ve all been mostly eating the sugar-free vanilla ice cream version of social and professional networking for the last few years, and conferences like these are decadent chocolate sundaes. It is awesome. But it is rich. And a little overwhelming. So here’s a little advice if you find yourself thinking about saddling up to the metaphorical dessert bar of social gatherings sometime soon.

1. You do you about your COVID comfort. I know the pandemic is not over, and we are now in this real weird phase around mask requirements disappearing. I gotta say it was personally a relief to attend this event having recently recovered from COVID, but if you feel like you don’t want to go to events because you are self-conscious about wearing a mask, don’t let anyone make you feel weird. And don’t let fear of sideways glances or leaving before the maskless indoor afterparty stop you from taking advantage of other in-person opportunities. They are SO great. 

We’ve all been mostly eating the sugar-free vanilla ice cream version of social and professional networking for the last few years, and conferences like these are decadent chocolate sundaes. It is awesome. But it is rich. And a little overwhelming.

2. Pace yourself. In the Before-Times, I considered myself an unapologetic extrovert. Now, I’m not so sure because I’m so out of practice in socializing. Be aware that you may not be able to marathon it like you used to. I honored my limits. I left one day of the conference a little early to recharge before the dinner event. I declined an afternoon drink invitation to do some packing and relaxing. I prioritized good rest and didn’t book a red eye. Be gentle with yourself and forget about FOMO.

3. Everyone is awkward. If you are sure everyone else is super confident meeting strangers and making small talk, you are wrong. We all are a lil’ shellshocked. Don’t be shy to just introduce yourself, ask if a seat is taken, and strike up a conversation in an elevator. Just don’t hide in the corner looking at your phone, because that signals you are unapproachable! If you are in a conversation that’s petering out, don’t forget some good social grace tactics like, “it was so nice to talk to you. I’m going to get a refill/use the restroom/get in the buffet line etc.”)

4. See one new thing. If you are traveling, use it as an opportunity to put something new in your brain. We desperately need fresh environments. Look out the train window instead of pounding away on your laptop. Stop in at a museum for 2 hours between meetings. Go find that restaurant a friend raved about. We deserve bread AND roses, y’all.  

5. Don’t race home. Maybe our families are out of practice surviving without us, but that doesn’t mean they can’t survive without us. When my conference dates got adjusted, instead of changing my flight and shortening my trip, I used the extra day to visit a beloved friend who lives in Sonoma who I hadn’t seen in three years. It was glorious. I regret nothing. If you or your loved ones are angsty about separation, consider a first business trip a necessary spring training – time to stretch those hamstrings! It is healthy to imagine a life that’s not about 100% togetherness, 100% of the time. 

I’m going to be writing more about how important trips are for moms in the future, let me know how your first business trips are going. I usually shy away advice-giving, so let me know if this newsletter is moderately helpful.

---------------

Callout: Looking for men to talk about abortion. Women aren’t the only ones who have vastly benefited from safe and legal abortion, y’all. If you know a man who’s life and career was positively impacted by not becoming a parent when he wasn’t able/ready (perhaps a current or former partner of yours??) I’d love to talk to him. It’s time for men who’ve gotten people pregnant to speak up about this, so encourage the men in your lives to reach out and share their story, potentially for publication, although anonymity is possible. askthedoubleshift@gmail.com.